Timing

Apparently picking up reading again has put any time for my writing to the side…I haven’t been noticing as many stories of my own to write about because I’ve been wrapped up in the stories of others for the last week and a half (and have already finished five books in that time!). But it has been lovely to reenter the world of books (and walk away from the computer and TV more) and the timing could not have been better for another reason as well. Warning…if you don’t want to read about health stuff or bodily stuff, stop now. But I’ve always tried to be honest about my experiences, and well, things have been interesting lately.

Since my experience a little over a month ago with sudden, scary bleeding, there have been some ups and downs with my health. I’ve gone through a couple rounds of sinus yuck and some serious, extended bouts of morning sickness, but all that seems to be on the mend (knocking on wood now, thanks). The whole bleeding thing, I thought, was also done. I had a little over two and a half weeks between that first visit and a repeat ultrasound and had just one day of spotting directly prior to going in to see my doctor again during that time frame. But Baby was fine, so I was fine. That appointment was two weeks ago today and while Baby is still fine and I am mostly still fine, the bleeding has taken on a whole new role in our lives.

For two weeks straight, now, I’ve been bleeding. I wish I could say spotting, but unfortunately it is more than that. I tried to be calm about it and was for a good week and a half, knowing that I have a hematoma near the baby and that most likely all of this is coming from that as it hopefully resolves itself. No idea what caused that but so far it hasn’t been growing, so we’ve had no reason for major concern except that, now, the blood won’t seem to stop. I’m not losing so much that my doctor is freaking out and even I’m not freaking out (too much) knowing that Baby is still, thankfully, fine. We made sure of that last Wednesday. But the bleeding continues and really the only advice she can give me besides waiting it out is putting my feet up and resting as much as possible. Of course she knows this is an impossible task because my day-to-day is far from feet up and restful, but I am trying to put her words into practice as best I can.

Projects around the house (and cleaning/cooking/laundry, for that matter) have taken a back seat right now. Ironically, the more I tell myself that I need to just chill on the couch, the more I notice or think of things I should be doing or organizing or what have you. You would think I’m already nesting or something but I’m pretty sure that’s unheard of at 15 1/2 weeks. As it is, I’m hoping that if I just slow down as much as I can (which may not be much, but I have to try) all of the bleeding will stop. The hematoma or whatever is causing it will go away and we can have smooth sailing from here, but of course we have no real answers or guarantees at this point. It is remarkable how even on my third pregnancy, I can feel like I have absolutely no idea what’s going on, but I suppose by now I should just now that that is life and especially life as a parent!

Back to timing…it is a good thing that I’m all about books these days because at least books keep my feet up and resting even if they do keep me up too late at night because I just can’t stand to stop turning pages. But maybe that is a blessing in disguise because the books also help keep my mind from worrying about all of this so much. Instead, with the time I do have to think and focus on it, I can send up a hope and a prayer and fingers crossed and good karma and good juju and all that love that keeps us moving forward even when we have no idea what’s going on.

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