How Tweet is This?

Let me begin by explaining that I am way old-school and have not joined the masses who hail from the land of Smart Phone. Ben and I both have old slider phones (and he doesn’t even have texting on his plan!), if that tells you anything about where we stand. It’s not that I’m against them; I just don’t want to have to leave my parent’s family plan and pay for a data package, plain and simple (Sorry, Mom & Dad! But that’s my “I don’t wanna grow up!” for the time being).

As it is, being outside the shiny lands of oh-so-quick-to-snark-and-share-pics-of-food known as Instagram and the Twitterverse, leaves me to my point-and-shoot camera, internal commentary, and blog posts. While this is most likely a blessing, for me and mine and you and yours, I decided to give these foreign realms a try yesterday. But I’m doing so here because let’s face it, if you read my stuff, um EVER, you know I’m a wordy girl and sticking to 140 characters isn’t likely. Plus, it felt like a good day for some snark and random thoughts and images, so here is my first attempt at (fake) Tweets and (filter-less) Instagrams [Disclaimer: I’m not making fun of people who use these social media outlets. This is really what my day would have looked like, had I documented it on T&I]:

5:11 a.m.: Baby crying in my dreams was really in my house. 4-yr-old up the second Baby went back down. Good Morning, America!  [ha! my first attempt & I hit 115 characters, according to the Word doc I opened to check; victory is mine!]

7:00 a.m.: Brushed my hair before shower; Holy FallOut, Batman! Someone remind me – how long does the post-baby shed last?

7:50 a.m.: 4-yr-old wastes two “servings” of toothpaste; cries as tho world has ended. I wonder where I need to travel to find vodka and 5:00 p.m. [for the record, I can’t stand vodka or any hard alcohol, really, but you get the idea. also, I could never survive with hashtags; I would totally need these lengthy descriptor tweets to follow each one of my posts.]

8:15 a.m.: Fashion faux pax is not the white pants after Labor Day but that white pants for toddlers even exist. #firsttimewearing #nevergoingtobewhiteagain #justbleachit #MJforever [jt & jf were right – hashtags are ridiculous!] [oh, wait? do hashtags need to fall into the 140 character limit? #drat!]

8:45 a.m.: Full Sippy Cup Fail: attempting to turn sideways to put on lid. Counter, cupboard, and floor, now clean.

10:00 a.m.: Decaf Mocha from Starbucks? Love me my chiro appts. that put me in GI and in range for this treat! #caffeinewouldbebetter #nursing!

10:45 a.m: Chiro visit defeated by pushing 60#s in stroller and babywearing 12 more on my chest. #70degreesandgorgeousinNE #workit!

11:50 a.m.: Eating tator tots and “artisan” tortilla chips for lunch. One of those required turning on the oven, so I cooked, right? #notkidding #reallymylunch [at least the kids got some protein with their meals!]

12:10 p.m.: First ModCloth order delivered. “Pumped” for upcoming Halloween party! #atleastmyanklesdon’tstilllookpreggers #awesomecostume!

1:10 p.m.: Both little Littles down for naps. WINNING!

1:30 p.m.: Snuggles and books with HD; new generation Berenstain Bears NOT as good as the originals. Using the phrase “Namby Pamby” in a book? WTH?

2:00 p.m.: Even when I give him screen time, he wants to be close. REALCLOSE. #LoveHim #EvenmorethanhelovesAngryBirds

2:15 p.m.: 4-yr-old selfie! Hilarious!

3:10 p.m.: Waking up littlest Littles because, of course, they would sleep long on the day we have plans to meet friends!

3:40 p.m.: Playdate with friends and their kids at our beloved Children’s Museum! Who am I kidding? This is as much for me as it is for them!

5:15 p.m.: Leftovers. They’re what’s for dinner.

6:30 p.m.: Getting spruced up for girls’ night out. #birthdays are the best #40isthenew25

8:30 p.m.: Had to leave girls’ night before I turned into a (milky) pumpkin. #dutycalls

9:30 p.m.: Confession: the rate at which I adore my children’s feet is borderline unhealthy. Probably going to feel differently when they are teenagers.

10:10 p.m.: Little Buddy is down for the night. Time for Mama to turn in, too. #dayisdone #whyamIstilltyping?

And there you have it. Obviously I would never actually tweet this much even if I did tweet, but that’s my day, and my life, in 140 characters or less, in 19 posts. #awesomeness #lifeisneverdull

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