Oof. Doesn’t it feel like I was just freaking out on here about starting “yoga school”? Because to me it feels like that post was written yesterday. Except it also feels like a lifetime ago, probably because I’m definitely not the same girl I was four weeks ago. Or I am, I’m just better. And weaker. And stronger. And obviously caffeinated at the moment by the way the my thoughts and sentences are jumping all over the place….but hang with me for a second. You see, I’ve been living in the yoga bubble for the last three and a half weeks and I’m not sure how I feel about leaving it.
When it comes to B & the kids, I am suuuuuuuper stoked to be almost done. I can’t wait to see their sweet faces and get big snuggles 24/7 again. Well, not 24/7. Please, people. Let me sleep a little bit, would ya? But of course I’m so excited to come home and read books and play Angry Birds and watch Lincoln take his first steps (did I confess to y’all yet that I told Ben not to encourage LT’s walking while I was away? Selfish Mama? I’ll own it). To be all Mama again sounds great. And it sounds whoa, too (because I wouldn’t be consistent within this post if I didn’t just keep swinging to the extremes, right?). I’ve been “off” from the day-to-day with the kiddlets. That doesn’t mean my days have been easy (omg – day two of 6+ hours of yoga due to practice teaching all the live-long day? NOT easy), but I haven’t had to be in full-on mom mode, even when I get home at night which has been a nice little break. And waking up of my own volition every morning, even if it is at the sound of an alarm? Words don’t even begin to explain the awesomeness of that! And mostly, the benefit of being along in the evenings has been that I have been able to stay focused on keeping my own hot mess together instead of an entire household’s hot mess.
But yes. Leaving the bubble. It’s kind of a scary thought. I’ve been with my amazing group day in and day out and it will be so strange not to see them (and their mats and their bags and their yoga pants that I’ve come to know so very well) All. The. Time. We’ve already had more than a few weepy moments in our group and it’s just a guess, but we’ll probably have a few more in the next two days. We’ve seen each other feel strong and weak. We’ve never all been in “real” clothes together but we’ve sweated our asanas off together for the last 18 days (minus weekends, unless of course you’ve been doing classes on the weekends, CF!, and working it all. the. time!). And can I just say, Thank Goodness for Spotify so I have access to everyone’s awesome music? And Facebook so I can hear about all their successes? Love me the music while I’m on the mat, yes I do, and I love the stories of my fellow yogis. And love my YTTs. Each one has taught me something valuable; I will totally take their light with me when I return to real life.
Speaking of reality – there’s another kind of scary when it comes to ending this intensive program. Of course we’ll still have extra graduation requirements (minus CF the wonderYogi), but basically, after this, we’re legit. We’re yoga teachers. We already have everything we need within us and now we’ll just need to trust that knowledge and that light and be brave as we share it with the world at large. For me this means coming home to avani and jumping back in to my own personal practice while moving forward as a teacher, too. This means continuing with the Family Yogs on Sunday afternoons and subbing! Can you believe it? I’m already on the docket to sub as of next week (what the what? You know you want to come to Flow next Tuesday, right? I promise lots of good tunes and yummy poses!) and I have also been added to the Happy Hour yoga rotation (Fridays at 5, yogi’s choice), too. How amazing is that? Seven months ago, I gave myself 10 years to get to this point. Clearly the universe saw differently, for which I am so grateful. A wee bit shakin’ in my boots at the thought of leading my own classes just Boom! Like that? Totally. But it is always my choice to name the feeling in my gut and I choose excitement over fear.
While part of me never wants to leave the yoga bubble, I’m so very much excited to see what happens once I do.
(Mad Props to Kirsten Laing Photography for the amazing photo. Love her.)