A month ago I left on my grand adventure to begin my 200 hr. yoga program in Omaha. Last Friday I returned home and then left again Sunday for an uber-productive day-and-a-half in Lincoln. Yesterday I returned (again) and taught my very first full-length, directed at adults (love you, Family Yoga, but you are a different dance!) at avani. Today was my first day back on the mat at the studio as a student. Needless to say, combined with the natural emotions of ending my time with my ytts, the tremendous whoa-ness of all these firsts this week has got me going.
The first first, teaching last night, was remarkable. It was painful to wait all the live-long day for it to begin (class didn’t start until 7 p.m.), but not because I was scared nervous. I was can-we-please-do-this? because-I-was-born-to-do-this nervous which translates more to anticipation than trepidation. And I really was ready. I used the sequence and playlist I made during my training and practiced it in the car on the drive home from Lincoln yesterday morning. My theme was New Beginnings (fitting, eh?) and my primary moves were twists – literally wringing out the physical body to make space in the emotional and spiritual bodies for new energy, new light. And even though I effed up on my Surya B (which I didn’t even realize I had done until I saw the Uh, what? faces looking at me when I cued the wrong ending position), we were all able to laugh and move on with the flow. I didn’t freak out. I didn’t burst into tears. I just kept going. Seriously, I will never get tired of the lessons of life that are played out again and again on the mat. The connection is just too great. We are who we are on the mat who we are off the mat. Learning to carry the breath and the movement will get us through anything in either place. I have no doubt in that.
And I didn’t doubt myself last night, either. It felt so good, so right to be leading the class; it made my heart sing. Of course this is not to say that I didn’t make other mistakes or that I am some amazing 100% perfect teacher. There’s no such thing. I’m as human as anyone else and I’ve never claimed to be otherwise. But my joy and confidence last night? They tell me I am, hands down, on the right path; although I’ve been pretty clear on that from the beginning of this yoga journey, it was so satisfying to have confirmation of that last night. To get smiles and high fives from folks. To make them sweat and laugh. To share my passion with them. What an amazing gift and opportunity I’ve been given and how freaking awesome that avani is what it is (and who it is). Talk about a gift and a community for which I am most grateful. Their trust and support? I can’t possibly articulate what it means to me to be given those things. I feel strong starting out as a teacher because they’ve all been such good teachers to me and I am honored to join their ranks. Truly.
At the same time, it was amazing to be back this afternoon as a student. I missed home quite a bit while I was in Omaha, so being able to roll in today and roll out my mat, ready to receive, was so great. Plus it was a great workout, too. I thought my extreme sweatiness as of late was just LHOY because I have never sweated so much in my life as I have in the last month, but perhaps teacher training just flat-out changed my body chemistry or something, because today was another dripper of a class. As in, ew, sweaty, sweaty mess. And while this probably won’t come as a surprise to any of you, the whole thing left me crying by the end, too. Right as we came into supported bridge pose prior to taking savasana, the Lokah chant came on, reminded me of my training group and from there, I was done. Tears in the ears, once again, as I thought about everything the marathon of the last month has brought me: loads of knowledge…amazing new friends and connections…reconnections with old friends…a brand new but so comfortable it feels old path to walk…all of this and more came out of me today on the mat.
And I am off the mat who I am on the mat…full of gratitude, full of love, full of light. Namaste, my friends! It is so very good to be home.