Leggo the E-go

A quick Google search this morning tells me I am not the first person to compare toaster waffles to the makeup of my personality. I find that both comforting and frightening. But it is a catchy phrase from my childhood, and a mantra I very much need right now.

Tomorrow marks 32 weeks for Babe No. 4. While Baby still earns an A+(+!) for not making me sick one single time, the last week and a half have been a reality check in terms of what I can and cannot do with this current state of my body.

First of all, I cannot do it all. The teaching and the running around have got to be reigned in, as does my (rather ludicrous) “goal” of trying for 40 days of yoga in a row. While pregnant? In the third trimester? With my fourth? What exactly was I trying to prove by setting that goal?! Clearly it was tied to pride and ego because my body has been making it very known recently that it is not down with the plan.

Two weeks ago I went in for my bi-monthly visit to the chiropractor and was all, “I feel so great! I started doing a physical yoga practice again! Sure my back is a little sore, but I’ve got this!”

Ha. So not the case.

For over a week now, I have had a lot of pain and problems with my left hip/glute. As in, I never know when I stand up from a seated position if my leg is going to hold my weight or want to drop out. It’s not shooting sciatic pain down my leg, thankfully, but it is fair to say I’ve been hobbling quite a bit lately, pressing my hand to my low back in hopes of getting from point A to point B.

Lack of humility truth moment? I still didn’t let this new, painful development stop me. I tried doing more meditation practices but I also continued doing prenatal routines. They were prenatal! They should have been fine, right? Well, no. Not if my body was not in a place for daily practice. And since I didn’t listen to my back, my wrists decided to scream at me after a practice I did that ended up straining the ligaments (which are all kinds of loosey goosey at this point in the pregnancy and are prone to such injury) in both.

Making you want to try prenatal yoga with all this, aren’t I?

Really, it’s not the prenatal yogs’ fault. It is my own for thinking I had something to prove (or that maybe I would feel less squishy around my midsection if I practiced every day) (or that I could handle the emotional mess that has been in my brain lately if I could return to my go-to processing tool). I let my ego take over, and now I am working to get my body back to fine so I can in fact handle the final stretch of this pregnancy, not to mention the birth and recovery period yet to come.

Recovery is happening on several levels. The first is dropping the 40 days. That will come – some day (or year) – but clearly not right now and that is OK. Actually, by the looks of the last two weeks, it will be more than OK to take a weekly approach to my yoga practice (and a very gentle weekly approach at that!) and continue walking when I can. The second Photo on 5-17-15 at 6.23 PMis setting an end-date to my yoga teaching for the summer. Two classes have already been removed, one will continue only through July, and the other is actually prenatal where I will very much be focused on keeping the mamas safe and aware of what their bodies are telling them because a mother’s intuition does not wait until Baby arrives to begin, you know? Stepping back is double-edged for me because I love the different styles and classes I teach, but my body obviously needs time to rest and get ready, which I haven’t been giving it. And the third? Getting my sore butt/back to the chiropractor (going today, thank goodness) and listening to his advice in addition to what my own body is telling me.

While I doubt I can actually let my ego die (for that to make sense, please listen to/watch “Wash it Away” by Nahko and Medicine for the People – I’m in love it with and it’s been inspiring all kinds of ideas for me lately), I can certainly make a daily practice out of setting it down and walking away for a bit. I think my back would be all for that kind of daily work, actually.


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