Filled Up

When I started walking to work (even though it is not without challenges, calling yoga teaching “work” sounds odd) this spring, I was trying to combat several issues: lack of actual yoga practice, feeling the frumps, and general chaos in my brain. Walking the mile there and the mile back felt good and it helped unwind my muscles and my mind. Some weeks I walked a ton; others just once or maybe twice. But thanks to a mostly cooler first half the summer, it was an activity I was able to keep up all the way until mid-July.

Then the armpit of Nebraska summer (thanks, Kate, for the phrase!) settled upon us and no. No more walking to the studio.

Somehow, even though today is only August 23rd, the swamp lifted this last week, and this morning? This morning was the most beautiful tiny-hint-of-cool-fall-air kind of morning that made me think, Oh, heck yes! A walk could very much be in order.

Giving Mother Nature a big high five on this one because today is one where both my muscles and my mind again needed to walk. I have been sore and achy in my back and legs quite a bit lately, and after some really wide-eyes during much of the super early hours of the morning today, I managed just shy of an hour-long “nap” prior to the kids waking for the day. Do you ever take those? Do they give you crazy dreams, too? This morning I woke up in what I’m going to officially dub a Phoebe Phunk where my dreams had me fighting with folks and feeling like an all-around awful person, and unfortunately those kind of cobwebs can take a while to shake off after waking. My kids would certainly tell you, at least, how unfortunate those sleeping/dreaming patterns can be for this mama’s mood and behavior.

It perhaps doesn’t help that our last week has been super busy with the official back-to/start-of the school year for Ben and Harrison and general hubbub of getting the house and ourselves ready for Baby and weekend company. I spent Thursday, Friday, and Saturday working in and around the house like a mad man nesting pregnant lady, and wore myself out emotionally hoping I would go into labor yesterday (so as to give HD a birthday-date partner since RL & LT are both 4s). Seeing as I am not writing this from my hospital bed with a newborn snuggled on my chest, clearly all that was for naught – at least the emotional draining and attempts to spark labor; the cleaning and cooking and time with family – all that was amazing!

So even though the morning started off with Captain Cranky Pants Mama, the weather and my walk and my last official day of “work” from now until, well, who knows when later this fall, brought me an amazing sense of peace and joy. In fact, it felt like I had managed to come full-circle in my quest to walk it all out (OK, not all – still not in labor, folks!).

For one, my final-for-now prenatal teaching felt great. I have been blessed this year to work with mamas I already knew and others I’d just met, and in each case it was very rewarding to help them find a little extra space in their bodies and their minds during their pregnancies. Between today’s walk and class I found a little extra space in myself, too, so when Ben and the kids met me a few blocks from home on my return trip, I was all lit up and ready to return the smiles of the three cutest still-in-PJs-at-3:30-on-a-Sunday-afternoon kiddos you have ever seen running down a sidewalk at you.

Those hugs and that love? So grateful to have them. Knowing there will be another one joining the crew soon? So excited to meet them. Feeling the fullness both literal and figurative in my body and my heart? So thankful to be at this point. So ready to let that fullness overflow. So blessed by it all. IMG_0434


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