Endless Numbered Days

Can someone please explain – why does this baby smell so darn good? Is this some sort of mother-baby bonding thing (that can still happen when the baby is 13+ months old??)? Is it my ubernose? Is this the symptom of my somehow, shockingly still there baby fever that I totally thought was going to go away when said baby arrived those 13+ months ago??

I just don’t get it. But I’m not exactly complaining because I can sense the ground shifting under our feet a bit here lately.

For one thing, I know our nursing days are limited. Truman has been eating more and more solids in the last couple months and my milk supply is showing signs of that. When I pump at night (which I do every night, since mid-summer, because his final feeding of the day has turned into a bottle one, even on nights when I am not teaching), I don’t get as much milk as I once did. And even during the day in the last couple weeks, the length of the breastfeeding sessions has dwindled more and more. Having made it to 16 mo, 13 mo, and 14ish mo with the other three, I know this territory well. We have entered the land of being much closer to the end of what once seemed limitless which is both glorious and sad making.

Because, truth? Even though lately it is less comfortable to do, I still love to nurse Truman. The less comfort comes on several levels, one of them being his mobility. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I don’t think anyone understands just how wiggly these children of mine are, even when they eat! It’s no wonder they remain on the low-end of the % scales.

Anyway, I really do cherish those times together in the rocking chair, even when I am half-wrestling Truman to keep him in my lap (even though keeping him on the boob is not the issue. Oof. No wonder it’s uncomfortable sometimes!). He is so warm and cozy and when he’s not busy pulling on my shirt, hair, or his foot, it’s all very sweet. And he smells so darn good. Again, I ask you, what is the deal with that?! How does he smell so good?

img_4094And let me clarify the craziness with a bit more craziness – if you asked me how he actually smells, I would say warm. And then sweet. Is he suddenly a baked good? Am I more sleep deprived than I realize? I can’t quite say what is going on here, but I know that no matter how many more days/weeks/months we get of these times together, rocking and nursing in one of our beloved chairs, I’m just going to go with it because eventually things will change.

We won’t do this forever, so for as long as it is our now, so be it.


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