Since the sleep reset, I’ve been giving myself some time to process and test the effectiveness of the effort. Obviously the hope had been that it would kick that mid-to-early morning waking habit that I seem to have fallen into in my post-nursing-baby-life + home-renovation-stress-bomb of the last year and change, but unfortunately change is not what I found.
Not even with a little mild, dual release sleep aid am I able to consistently sleep through the whole of any night. And beyond the reset and the meds, this is not without really trying. For one, I have given up any middle-of-the-night reading which is something I used to do when frustrated with not sleeping: turn the light back on and read until my eyes would burn and hope that would be enough to turn off my spinning brain, too. NO MORE. For another (TMI warning), I’ve somehow managed to Jedi Mind Trick my bladder into realizing that even after having had five vaginal deliveries, I really don’t need to pee in the middle of every night. Kudos to my friend A for suggesting this and thank goodness she was right.
So again, here I am, trying to break some bad habits in hopes of helping my sleep pattern, and even though some components are on track, the end goal just isn’t there yet.
When you take all of the ups, downs, experiments, trials, and errors of this months-long process of trying to help sleep in hopes of helping the still-never explained abdominal pain and add it to the chaos of this last week, both internally with our schedule and externally with the world (I know some of you have to be feeling that also), Friday afternoon hit me like ton of emotional bricks. I was just DONE. I sent this pic to a group of girlfriends not because I’m crazy but because I knew it was a safe place in which to say, “Holy Hannah, I am struggling.”
And clearly sleep is still one of the struggles.
But, as we know, from struggle comes one idea and then the next of what to do or what to try and since everything thus far hasn’t landed me at the desired place, I am indeed on to the next. And I am sharing it with you here because: A) processing and B) accountability.
Since my brain seems so damned determined to be awake at 5A, I’m going to give myself 30 days of just getting the hell up then (clearly the number of grumbly swears here indicate that I’m not totally thrilled with the plan but you know what? It’s only crazy if it doesn’t work and I am willing to try (another) potentially crazy fix in case it does). I plan to work out, eat breakfast, have my coffee, and just generally enjoy the quiet each morning before my (not quiet) crew gets going, and maybe, just maybe, my brain and my sleep will finally feel in alignment with one another.
If you see me looking a little dazed and confused in the coming days, you’ll know why. If you’re an early riser, let me know how you spend/enjoy your time at the start of each day. And if you’re wondering how it’s going, feel free to ask. I’m sure I’ll be updating along the way and for sure at the end of the 30 days because, why not, right? This is the journey back to self after 10+ years of pregnancy and nursing and if reclaiming sleep requires setting a new alarm for a month, then so be it. On the off chance of it working and/or being enjoyable, I’m down to get up. Really, really freaking early.