Holy overwhelm.

Anyone else feeling that, too?

Like so much of this life, that feeling comes with more than one side.

On the one hand, I’ve been overwhelmed with love and goodness this week because even though we can’t be in the same physical space, some of my people and I are doing a much, MUCH better job of staying in touch. Whereas before we could go and do all the things and we were busy going and doing all the things, we are now stuck at home still trying to figure out how to do all the things, but in totally new ways, which includes using new apps like Marco Polo and doing more Face Times. I’ve honestly “seen” some of my friends more in the last seven days than I have in the last six months.

But still. This stay at home routine is HARD.

For one, my introvert is HURTING. I’ve tried my noise-canceling headphones, but even those aren’t doing the trick.

I love my little people. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I love my husband. I am grateful he’s home with us.

But Lord in Heaven this never having a moment to myself, and being able to hear them through the floor and the vents even when they are doing screen time and the constant contact of all this is making me a bit crazy. Tell me again why we didn’t buy a ranch style house so I could be at one end of it while they are at another instead of being stacked like pancakes all the time?

Hopefully the weather will change soon and I can spend more time outside, with and without the children. I am really, really looking forward to that because right now, there’s zero indication of when this social distancing/stay at home might end. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s going to get worse before it gets better (and how I wish more people were taking it seriously because until we all do, I imagine that our attempts at flattening the curve will, well, fall flat).

The other sense of overwhelm, as I’m sure all of you doing this COVID-19 world with small dependents are experiencing, pertains again to all of my little people. Even though we are shut down, there is still a remarkable lot to do.

Don’t get me wrong: I am beyond grateful to all the artists and authors and institutions that are putting out content for kids to do right now. I’m grateful that our local teachers have been working to provide some weekly materials for their students starting tomorrow. I’m grateful to everyone who has sent me links or activities or anything for my little people to do.

But I also can’t seem to do it all. For one, it’s really hard to get 4-5 children all doing the same activity, even if it isn’t on one little laptop screen. And not that this is news to us or you, but even when B and I are both home, we’re still way outnumbered by the children and hoby pokes. Life is a lot, especially when you can’t go places. And we’re still trying to figure out this new world order, which means I have no idea how to fit it all in yet and probably won’t for a while yet.

Honestly, I’m OK with that. I mean, I have to be because there is literally no rule or guidebook for how to parent through a pandemic. So, like everyone else, I’m just going to keep doing the best I can, and hope that others will be gracious if my approach isn’t as responsive or shiny as some others.

What’s crazy is, for as much family time as we’ve had in the last week, I’ve felt like there hasn’t been much time to actually just BE with my kids. Finally, today, that shifted a bit. My favorite part was cuddling up on the “two couch” with my biggests, watching the live stream of my musical love, Nahko. It was musical medicine indeed, and made even better with the snuggles and sing-along with my crew. Again, so grateful to all who are putting out art and healing energy to help so many during this unknown, crazy time.

As we head into Week Two here’s a glimpse at the few coping skills I’m clinging to:

1. Writing. Writing posts, writing messages, writing lists…all of this is helping me keep sane. Especially the lists – with To Dos and reminders and goals for each day.
2. Hippie shit. When I feel myself getting spiny, I put on a mala (or 5). They are beautiful and grounding and noisy, which pulls me a tiny bit out of my head and into the present moment, for which I am grateful and of which I need. Daily burns of incense and daily meditation are also happening right now.
3. Healthy habits. We don’t have any alcohol in the house. We didn’t stock up before/for this. Actually, for the last six months, I’ve rarely had any drinks and I am more than OK with continuing that trend, even in the midst of a world turned upside down. We are still getting kombucha, though, and that’s my self-treat-drink of choice each day.
4. Scrolling less. I succeed at this some days and fail flat out massively on others. On one had, it’s how I keep in contact with folks now more than ever, but on the other, social media can be a loud and ugly place and quite frankly I’ve got enough noise in my brain these days as it is.

I’ve love to know how and what you’re doing. How the overwhelm as hit you and what you are doing to work through it. The “Going on a Bear Hunt” song comes to mind here because you know we can’t go over, around, or under this mess: we’ve got to go through it and we’re all in it together, so I feel for you and us and everyone right now and hope you are finding your way. At home. Safe and healthy.