Choosing Relationship

Week Four, folks. Week. Four. How did we get here already and are we sure it hasn’t already been four months and not just four weeks? I don’t remember a time when time has been more slippery than it is now; do you?

For us, Week Three was hard. Lots of big emotions. Lots of hiccups and challenges at finding (and failing) at a routine and of course with realizing that in terms of school, this really is how it is going to be for the rest of the academic calendar. Even with seeing that coming from a mile away and being relieved by that call, we all felt it in our souls and were saddened by it.

Trust me when I say, I acknowledge and give thanks for the privileges and comforts my family has right now. That being said, this is still an extreme challenge, and since literally none of us know how to do this current crazy life, it is still so, so hard, and there are moments all day long that make me question if we are doing the right thing.

Mostly that applies to our kids, their education, and their well-being.

We are definitely still trying when it comes to their school packets, we are. We appreciate the effort their teachers are putting in there and we want to try to keep some sort of retention/”school” going for next month and a half. But I’ll be honest and admit that my relationship with my children means far more to me than completing worksheets or going on websites/virtual tours/etc. right now.

I feel far more worried about damaging their own little stressed and confused, sad and disappointed hearts and minds than I do about science, math, or social studies right now. Yes, we will keep trying, but also yes, we are going to give ourselves as much grace, outdoor time, board games, and even movie marathons as we need (together and separate) to get through this never before seen challenge.

Part of what I’m missing most right now, though, besides my old anxiety levels, is having easier access to my support system – my family and friends that have always been around for past moments of chaos and crisis. But now we’re all in chaos and crisis simultaneously and we literally cannot and should not be doing it physically together which sucks so very much.

And bless it, as much as I don’t know where I’d be without technology these days and all the ways to video message, sometimes the virtual interactions leave me more depleted than a real-life social gathering because the being together without being together is heart-hurting. I don’t want to give them up but they are also a stark reminder, each time, of what we can’t actually have right now.

I’m still choosing relationship, in whatever form it can come with both my roof-sharers and allll the people I miss in real life right now, but I’m also having to process a lot of big feels after doing so, which I guess is just part of going through a collective mess of indefinite uncertainty. I hope and pray it ends as soon as possible, just like I hope and pray for the strength of all relationships – personal, professional, familial – that are being tested right now.

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